her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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