morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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