respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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