i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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