This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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