the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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