they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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