The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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