I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize