so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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