I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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