Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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