Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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