he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
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I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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