ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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