he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
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On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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