He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
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he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
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I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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