i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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