I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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