I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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