She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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