We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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