I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
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Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
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My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize