It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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