so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize