Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
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Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
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Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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