i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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