bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
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Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
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Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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