If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize