Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
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i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize