don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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