I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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