The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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