Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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