Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
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By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
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Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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