You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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