I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
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I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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