And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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