these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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