I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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