my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
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OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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