His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
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forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
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I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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