Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
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My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
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I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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