Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
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Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
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i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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