But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
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She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
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We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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