What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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