Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize