Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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