I cannot find my penis.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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