Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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